


Cessation

by GeorgeCantWrite



Series: Ethan Dolori and the Various AUs [4]
Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Blood and Injury, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, Deaf Character, Episode: s09e08 Evolution, Episode: s09e09 Adaptation, Extramarital Affairs, F/M, Gen, Marriage, Trans Male Character, Walkers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-26
Updated: 2020-12-26
Packaged: 2021-03-11 00:55:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28342758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeorgeCantWrite/pseuds/GeorgeCantWrite
Summary: Ethan Dolori finds an ending, and it's not what he expected it to be.
Relationships: Alden/Enid (Walking Dead), Enid (Walking Dead)/Original Male Character(s), Past Daryl Dixon/Jesus - Relationship
Series: Ethan Dolori and the Various AUs [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1401244
Kudos: 2





	Cessation

**Author's Note:**

> Cessation - AKA how I originally wanted Bad Luck Boy to end, but I'm too invested in BLB to end it just yet. Please enjoy!

Ethan had gotten married to Enid. It was one of the best things to ever happen to him. It had been something that he’d thought about, had talked to her about for a long while. They’d gotten married. He looked down at the ring on his finger, and felt sick to his stomach, eyes blinded by tears. He wiped at his face, adjusted himself in his spot in the tree, and waited until he had calmed down enough to walk back into Hilltop.

Several long minutes later, once he’d stopped crying, once he was sure the redness had faded from his face, around his eyes, once the tear tracks were cleaned away, he climbed down from the tree and made his way back home. It still hurt, and he’d probably cry about it later, but he had other things to do. He almost didn’t want to go back, but he had to. Ethan had a life there, had put down roots, and he couldn’t just uproot it. He knew he couldn’t just leave on his own, not with his deafness; he had to be around people.

He got back in time to see that Rosita had been brought in, and he followed them into the infirmary. He couldn’t remember the last time that he had seen Rosita. He wanted to make sure that she was OK, that something bad hadn’t happened at Alexandria.

‘What’s wrong, what happened?’ he signed to Enid. It hurt to look at her. But he needed to know why Rosita was there.

‘Jesus and Aaron found her, brought her back,’ she explained, then pointed in the men’s direction, and Ethan looked over to see the two of them talking, stress lining their faces, foreheads creased. ‘They said she was just out there. She sent up a flare, completely passed out. She’s just dehydrated and needs something sweet, but other than that, she should be OK.’

“I’m gonna go see them, see if they know anything else,” he said, and she nodded, letting him go. He hesitated, knowing it wasn’t the best time, but there would never be a good time. It was like he had forgotten how to act around her now that he knew.

Ethan wished that he weren’t observant, that he hadn’t connected the two dots. Part of him wished that they had come clean to him, that they hadn’t kept it secret. But they hadn’t, and it had taken him long enough to realise everything, when he’d been in Hilltop. It felt like he had been stabbed in the chest, that his heart had been torn out and ripped to pieces, but it was still there, beating away in his chest.

Enid looked back to him, a frown on her face. ‘Is there something wrong?’ she asked, eyes on his face. ‘You’re not sick, are you?’ She put a hand to his forehead, and he pushed it aside.

‘I know,’ he signed to her, and he saw the slight confusion in her face. ‘Your morning sickness. It’s obvious. I know it can’t be _mine_. I know that it’s Alden’s.’

He watched the colour leave her face, the way her jaw slackened as she started to realise what he meant. “Ethan,” she started, reaching out for him. He moved away from her, not quite looking at her. He couldn’t look at her. The tears burned at his eyes, and now she knew he knew. It felt like things were collapsing around him, and he didn’t know how to fix it, to rebuild what he’d just lost. She put her hands on his face, and he flinched at the touch, then pushed her hands from him.

‘It’s obvious.’ Ethan signed, trying so hard to hold back the tears. ‘I see the way you look at each other. I’ve seen how people look at _us_.’

‘Ethan, please,’ she signed, then put her hands on his face, and he could see the tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry.” She looked like she wanted to kiss him, like it would make all their problems vanish, but she didn’t dare.

“I love you. Even after this. All I know now is that I’m not good enough. Never good enough for anything, am I?”

He turned and left the infirmary before she could say or sign anything else to him.

Jesus and Aaron came up to him not a few minutes later. Ethan put on a brave face, smiling at both of them, accepting the hug Aaron offered. It was hard to tell, but he reckoned Aaron noticed how much tighter he hugged him. Ethan knew it was a miracle he didn’t just start crying into the man’s shoulder then and there. He had to keep it in, keep himself composed.

‘Why is Rosita here?’ he asked when he pulled away from Aaron, looking between the two.

‘She and Eugene went out there, trying to set up a radio. They were chased by a herd. Eugene’s been injured, and we were planning on going out there to find him. We could use a tracker,’

Ethan nodded, putting on another smile at the obvious hint. ‘I’ll come along. The world beyond calls for me,’

‘You’ve only just come back,’ Jesus signed, and there was a suspicious look on his face. ‘Trouble in paradise?’

“Turns out it was never paradise to begin with,” he said with a shrug of his shoulders. Jesus looked a little surprised at the bluntness of his words, and Ethan could see the concern in Aaron’s face. “I’ll tell you guys about it later. I’ll just grab my stuff. You wanna get the horses ready?”

‘We’re going to talk about this.’ Jesus signed to him, and Ethan nodded, knowing that everyone was bound to find out anyway. It wasn’t like the end result could be hidden.

Ethan left and went to find his gear. He knew where it was; tucked away in the room that belonged to him and Enid. He wondered who would keep the room, if they’d even continue to share it afterwards. He didn’t want to think about it, had to force those thoughts from his mind.

As he was leaving, he bumped into Alden. He wasn’t one of the people Ethan would have liked to have bumped in to, but the day wasn’t going his way, so he had to just roll with it.

‘Are you going with Jesus and Aaron?’ Alden asked. Ethan nodded, and heaved a sigh, looking up at the person who had been his closest friend. ‘Something on your mind?’

“Kinda,” he said, then looked away. He’d already told Enid he knew. “Enid’s pregnant. Congratulations on failing to pull out.” The realisation dawned on Alden, closely followed by complete and utter horror. “When I come back after getting Eugene, I guess the three of us can talk.” Ethan wiped at his face, feeling hurt. “I s’pose you wanna take my ring too?” he said, raising his left hand, the ring shining a little in the light.

‘No. Ethan –’

“I’ll see you later, Al.” Ethan walked around him and didn’t look back at him.

* * *

‘What’s wrong?’ Daryl signed to him as they continued on their journey. Ethan shrugged, looking away. He couldn’t mask the hurt, the barely concealed pain. He’d kept it secret for a while now, but now that Enid and Alden knew he knew, it suddenly felt all too much. He had to keep himself distracted, but there Daryl was, asking what was upsetting him.

“Enid and Alden had an affair, and Enid’s pregnant.” He saw Jesus and Aaron come to a stop in front of them, and he did too. He looked over at Daryl, trying to keep himself together. “We’ve been together for years, got married last year. And she’s pregnant. With my brother’s kid. I’m not sure what the fuck to do.”

‘How can you be sure?’ Jesus signed to him, then glanced at Aaron and Daryl, like he didn’t quite believe what Ethan had told them.

“She’s been throwing up every morning. I’ve seen them looking at each other like they were hiding a secret. I’ve … I saw the way people at Hilltop looked at me and her. So I asked Marco if he’d heard anything. He confirmed what I’d been thinking. I confronted Enid today, and she got scared and tried to tell me that it was nothing. Was obviously something if she got super upset over me finding it out.”

He looked away, not wanting to see their pitying looks, to see the shock in their faces anymore.

“So when we get back, I’m gonna talk to her. It’s just shit because now the two people I was closest to did that shit, so I’m … I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Daryl was closest to him, and he pulled him into his side. Ethan held onto him tightly, trying to get his breathing back to normal, to will the tears to go away. He just needed to get through this day, find Eugene, take him back and … confront his wife and his brother for what they’d done.

‘Are you going to be OK?’ Jesus asked when they started walking again.

Ethan nodded. “I’ll … I’ll have to confront them. Then I’ll probably leave for a bit. Go to Alexandria or the Kingdom.”

Daryl nodded, keeping a hand on his shoulder, offering the silent comfort Ethan clearly needed. He didn’t know what to do, what he could say to Enid, what he would have to say to Alden. The thought of going back to Hilltop terrified him. But he had to do it; they’d find Eugene, bring him back to Hilltop, and Ethan would do one of the scariest things of his life.

He had a vague plan for what he would do afterwards, but would going through with it help? Ethan vanishing from Hilltop had been the reason for the whole … affair. Would staying make it any easier to deal with? He’d have to deal with it anyway; Enid was pregnant. He had always wondered if she would have ever wanted to have that kind of thing, and knew that with him, it wasn’t an option. The betrayal stabbed at his heart, and he tried to push the thoughts of everything back at Hilltop out of his mind. He couldn’t think about it, let it get to him.

* * *

The herd was always somehow on their tail, even when they had managed to divert it. There was something wrong with that herd. How could it keep finding them? It had gotten dark, and they were still on Eugene’s trail, whilst trying to get rid of the herd on their own trail. It was irritating Ethan, that the walkers somehow always found them. It wasn’t natural.

Dog raced ahead into the old barn, and the four of them raced after the dog, saw him barking down at the floor. They pushed away the hay there and saw a trap door. Daryl said something, paused, and then rushed to open the door. Eugene was there, dirty and a bit bloody. They helped him out, as he told them he had dislocated his knee.

The herd was back.

They helped Eugene as they rushed away from the herd, trying to outrun it. They could only go so quick with Eugene’s dislocated knee. They couldn’t risk damaging his knee beyond repair. The storm that had been settling in overhead didn’t help them or their chances.

Ethan had offered to stay behind and watch the herd, to see if it would really follow them. He watched the herd, watched as it suddenly changed its direction. It didn’t make sense, that wasn’t how walkers worked.

It took a moment before Ethan realised what had to be happening. He rushed back to the others, signing at them once they looked his way. ‘It’s not leaving us, and I think I’ve figured it out. That herd has been following us all damn day, and it’s been trying to find Eugene. He said that he heard them talking. I don’t think the walkers are talking, I think there’s people within the herd trying to find us.’

They considered it, finding it more likely than walkers evolving.

Their group separated, with Daryl staying behind in an attempt to divert the herd while they ran ahead, trying to get Eugene to safety. The storm and the darkness that came with the night had them on edge; if the walkers and the people controlling the herd came their way, how were they meant to tell where the people were among the dead?

Jesus led them through to a cemetery, and they helped Eugene through it. The walkers had started to catch up to them, and it was clear that it was hurting Eugene, trying to move quicker than the dead, trying to keep ahead of them.

“Go, go,” Ethan said, turning around and stabbing some of the walkers that had come too close for his comfort. The whole thing was putting him on edge, and he was trying to hold down the panic. Ethan didn’t see how they were going to outrun the herd, not with it breathing down their necks. It was only a matter of time before something bad happened, and Ethan knew he would fight his way out of it, would do his best to get Eugene to safety.

They made their way around the wall of the cemetery, knowing that the walkers would be coming through it, would be coming their way. They had to get out of there as quickly as they could. Ethan stayed behind them, cutting down the walkers that had come through the gap that they had gone through. He hoped to jam up that broken entrance, just so that they had more time to escape.

Jammed up enough, Ethan turned back and ran after the three men and found them at some large gates, the real entrance to the cemetery. The gates were chained shut and there was dirt packed at the bottom of the gates, making it hard to open them.

They were starting to panic, and attempted to lift Eugene over the wall, but with his knee, it made it impossible.

They looked around and saw the figures of the dead appear. Ethan steeled himself, ready for what was going to happen. He got to work.

Ethan was quick to nock his arrows, drawback, and fire at the dead. Aaron and Jesus were quick to follow his lead. With slight distance between Ethan and the dead, he rushed forwards to grab his used arrows, putting them back in his quiver to reuse. They had to be careful. He kept firing his arrows into the fog, taking down the blurred figures until the arrows were all used up.

Ethan turned to his sword. He sliced at the dead, quick and efficient. The three of them hadn’t worked together in a few years, but they were good and quick, if only slightly rusty. They continued on until Ethan caught sight of Aaron, who was nothing but worried and tense. He noticed how the two men were looking at each other. ‘Whispers,’ Jesus told Ethan.

He nodded, then looked behind him to Eugene, only to see that Michonne was there, some strangers beside her. Eugene had company. Ethan turned back to look at the walkers, seeing them approach them.

‘We’ve got this,’ Ethan signed to Aaron. He offered a slight smile as Jesus waved a hand at Aaron, possibly saying something similar.

Jesus and Ethan looked at each other and nodded. They had been doing stuff like this for years. They had great synergy. They covered each other’s back and stabbed at walkers that got too close. Ethan kicked upwards and knocked a walker’s head off as Jesus jumped up and kicked a walker to give him the push as he twisted around and killed a second walker. Ethan was quick to take out the one he’d kicked off on.

Ethan glanced around and saw Aaron calling for them both. It was like the immediate threat was over. They made their way over, and Ethan saw the two walkers to the left of them. Ethan nodded to Jesus, who moved to the one on the right whilst Ethan went to the one on the left. He took a swing at the walker, and Ethan barely had time to be shocked when it ducked under his blade.

It twisted around and grabbed him, and thrusted upwards with its other hand. Ethan gasped, blinded by the pain that burst throughout his torso. He felt the breath of the walker – was it a walker? – before Jesus reacted and chopped its head off. He caught Ethan as his legs gave out, but it was too late. The spike was deep in his body, hadn’t managed to pierce his heart like the not-walker had intended.

“Dad?” he said, and felt the blood rise up in his throat and dribble out of his mouth. The spike in his side felt like it had been lit on fire, he could feel the way it moved in his body as he shifted, and he gasped in pain. It was still in his body, and every breath brought on pain around it.

Ethan found it hard to breathe. He could taste the blood in his mouth, that wouldn’t stop. His chest was on fire and the tears were blinding him. Someone appeared beside him and it took half a second to realise it was Jesus. Aaron appeared on his other side. Michonne and the strangers ran forwards to attack the humans that dressed as the dead.

“D-Dad?” Ethan asked as the blood started to sputter out of his mouth. Aaron was saying something as Jesus put pressure on the wound, and Aaron’s hand was on his face, trying to keep his attention. But everything was hurting, and Ethan’s vision was blurring. His lungs ached and he felt the blood inside them, setting a new fire in his body. There were people around them, talking and panicking. He wondered where his other dad could be. He didn’t want to die without seeing Aaron and Daryl one last time.

Daryl appeared behind Aaron just as Ethan Dolori’s entire body went still.

* * *

It wasn’t real. How could it be real?

Daryl stared down at Ethan’s body; he’d just been a few seconds too late. He hadn’t gotten there in time. Now he was dead. His … his son was dead. The back of his eyes burned as he watched Aaron slip a knife into the back of Ethan’s head. He looked back, hearing the whispers between the snarls of the dead. They had an enemy to fight.

It was easy pickings, almost. He didn’t realise what he’d done, not really. He was too overcome with rage and anguish. They escaped the cemetery, and Daryl followed them. He could hear the way Aaron and Jesus were quietly crying as they carried Ethan’s body between them.

“Here,” he said roughly, clasping Aaron’s shoulder. “Let me.”

Aaron nodded, letting Daryl help Jesus carry Ethan’s body. Daryl could see the complete and utter distraught that wracked Aaron, and he couldn’t let him suffer. He took some weight off the man’s shoulders.

No-one said anything, not even the new ones that Michonne had brought along. Daryl didn’t know what to say, didn’t want to say anything. It was wrong – _wrong and wrong and wrong_ – Ethan couldn’t be dead. Not after everything he had been through, not after losing so many people. It wasn’t right. Daryl could see how Aaron wasn’t coping, lagging behind their group, breaths gasped and shaky. Daryl didn’t know how he wasn’t in the same situation as him. They’d looked out for Ethan ever since they’d first met him, since they’d taken him in. Now he was gone.

“I’m sorry he’s gone,” Paul told him quietly. He didn’t look over at him, unable to without looking at Ethan’s face, the stab wound in his head. Daryl was glad he hadn’t chosen that side to carry.

“Me too.”

They got back to their horses. Daryl was angry. He wanted nothing more than to turn back and make those skin freaks pay for what they’d done.

But they had to take Ethan home. Daryl knew he deserved that, at least.

They hadn’t been going for long before they ended up capturing one of the masked ones. They’d been following them, and Dog had been quick to alert them. Michonne had taken the girl, taking charge of the situation. Daryl ignored the pain in his heart when he realised the girl had to be the same age as Ethan when he’d first met him.

He could remember those interactions so clearly, and his vision was blinded as the memories turned sour, knowing that Ethan was dead and gone. The girl had been blindfolded and taken back to Hilltop. Daryl had wanted to run when he saw the gates of Hilltop come into place. They’d all be waiting for them, for Ethan to still be alive. They had expectations; Ethan had gone through so much, how could something like this kill him?

The gates opened and everyone fell silent, seeing the body on the horse, seeing the girl with her hands bound, her eyes covered.

Daryl saw Enid and Alden approach, followed by Tara. Tara hugged Paul, relieved to see he was still OK before she moved on to look at Ethan.

“No,” Enid said, and Daryl looked at her. She still wore the ring. He saw the way her face contorted with pain, the tears falling down her face, chin wobbling as she started to sob. She moved forwards, hands going to Ethan’s back, forehead resting on his back as sobs shook her body. She held onto him as the reality set in for her.

Daryl had to stop himself from saying anything as Alden approached, looking just as upset, tears in his eyes as he looked at the young man who was supposed to be his brother. He pushed the two aside, grunting to Aaron and Jesus. The two helped him, and Alden came to help before Daryl firmly told him to fuck off. He took a step back when he saw the look on Daryl’s face, and he looked to Enid, who pulled him away, tears streaking down her face, hands shaking as she sobbed.

Daryl couldn’t look at Ethan’s face as they carried him off. He could feel the tears making their way down his face, could see what he felt in Aaron and Paul’s faces too. No-one said anything as they watched Ethan be taken away. He could hear Enid sobbing, and he didn’t look back; he knew she’d be in Alden’s arms, clinging to him. He couldn’t look, for his sake or for Ethan’s, he didn’t know.

“Don’t be mean to Alden and Enid,” Paul told him as he sat beside Daryl inside Barrington. Bertie and some others were cleaning Ethan up for his funeral. Daryl grunted at him, and he could feel the tremors throughout his body now that he was back behind the walls, away from the immediate threat. “I’m serious. It’s not fair what they did to him, but they both still care about him.”

“You keep talkin’, you can fuck off too,”

Paul kept quiet for a few minutes. “I wanted to go for that walker,” he admitted, words quiet, voice rough. Daryl could see Paul’s composure start to break as he kept talking. “Ethan took it before I could. I … it should’ve been me, not him.”

“Yeh can’t change it. Ethan knew goin’ out there was risky. He wanted to help find Eugene. We all did. We didn’t know that those freaks in walker skins were out there. Ethan can’t – couldn’t, god – he couldn’t hear. He wouldn’t have heard the difference.” He put a hand on Paul’s knee, feeling too full of emotions he hadn’t felt since Rick died. God, what was he supposed to do? “I should’a been here. For both of yeh. Now he’s gone.”

Paul breathed in shakily. “You can’t change it anyway,” he said, echoing Daryl’s words. “We can’t change that he died on one of the worst … one of the worst days of his life.”

“His damn _brother_ and his wife. Fuckin’ Alden and Enid,” Daryl said, shaking his head. Paul put his hand over Daryl’s, the warmth reassuring, familiar. He turned his hand around and slipped his fingers through Paul’s, remembering what they once had. They’d had a small family of sorts, in the beginning; the two of them and Ethan in that tiny trailer that belonged to Paul. Daryl wished they could go back to those times; it had been easier; things had been better for them.

“Ethan always left Hilltop. He’d go out for weeks at a time. The stress of that, the loneliness –”

“Do _not_ justify them,” Daryl started, feeling the rage building up. “They ain’t tell him about it, he figured it out himself. How – do you know how shitty he must’ve been feelin’?”

“No, but I can sympathise a little,” Paul said, a pointed tone in his voice. Daryl took his hand back, the moment gone, those precious far away memories turning sour. “They’re young and they make mistakes, is what I’m saying. Nothing about their lives is easy. Enid’s always stressed to high heaven. I’m pissed they did what they did. I’m pissed Ethan died thinking he wasn’t enough.”

“He _was_ enough.” Daryl said through gritted teeth. “He was my fuckin’ son.”

Paul didn’t have anything else to say, no amount of words would be good enough for him. He let Daryl leave. Nothing he said would keep the man beside him.

Daryl approached Enid and Alden. The two were sat together on a bench, both crying quietly. As much as he pitied them for their loss, he couldn’t help the anger at seeing them together, mourning Ethan together. It felt like it tainted Ethan’s memory. “Do you want his ring?” Daryl asked bluntly. He gnawed on his lower lip, trying to keep himself together. Daryl had considered taking it off Ethan's hand, had considered throwing it at Enid, but he hadn’t.

“What?” Enid asked, and he could see how bloodshot her eyes had become, the streaks of tears on her face, the puffiness around her eyes. Daryl knew a part of her loved Ethan, but he wondered if she was _in_ love with him, or if it had faded over time.

“You want his damn ring or not? We know ya weren’t faithful to ‘im. Do yeh want his ring or shall I bury it with him?” he asked, and he could feel the frustration build inside.

“He said we’d … we’d talk,” Enid started slowly, wiping at her eyes. “He wanted to talk to me, us, when he got back.” She put a hand to her stomach, and Daryl pointedly looked away from the action. “I’m not taking my ring off, don’t take his off.”

Daryl nodded, and kept his comments to himself. He walked off, but he heard footsteps behind him, and then Alden was calling his name, telling him to wait up.

“Don’t give Enid a hard time –”

“Don’t you start,” Daryl damn near growled at him. “He thought of you as his damn brother. Cared for you like one too. He made sure your pathetic ass didn’t get killed when you were captured as a fuckin’ Savior. But you still went with his wife?”

Alden gaped at him, trying to find the right words. “It – we didn’t mean for things to go the way they did.”

“Don’t try and justify your shit to me, boy. You think he wouldn’t find out?”

Alden clenched his jaw, and Daryl could see the pain and hurt, the way he was trying to not burst into tears or lash out at him. “I fucked up. We both did. We were gonna tell him. He just … he figured it out. He noticed Enid’s morning sickness. She’d only just found out a few days ago. Neither of us knew what to fuckin’ do.”

“And what were you two gonna do when her baby bump got bigger, huh? Wasn’t like he could have kids of his own.” Daryl said, and he was aware of the people of Hilltop glancing over at them, able to tell from a distance that it was a hostile conversation they were having.

“Shut the _fuck_ up. We’ll never know what we could’ve done because he’s _dead_. Where were you when he was dying?”

Daryl had to tell himself not to punch Alden in the face. That was Ethan’s friend, his brother (who had gotten his wife pregnant), he couldn’t just sucker punch him, at least not in broad daylight. “I was trying to stop the herd from followin’ them. I tried to catch up to them. Ethan figured out why that herd had been followin’ us. He paid that price. Don’t you dare try and put his death on my head. He died thinkin’ – thinkin’ that he wasn’t good enough, that he was worthless.”

Alden looked away.

“That’s what I thought, boy. You stay away from his funeral.”

“He’s my brother. You can’t.”

“He’s my fuckin’ son.” Daryl said, stepping up into Alden’s face. “You ever say his name in front of me again, stitches won’t fix what I’ll do to you.”

Daryl stalked off before Alden could piss him off even more. He had to get away before his emotions got the best of him and he did something he’d regret.

* * *

Connie told him she was sorry for his loss. He thanked her. He didn’t know her, but he trusted her more than Enid or Alden in that moment. She had approached him first, offering her condolences, knowing not to get too close to him.

‘Losing your child is an impossible thing,’ she signed to him, a pained look in her face. Daryl realised she was reliving something, revealing something she had in common with him. ‘There’s nothing that can heal that wound. I’m sorry you have to feel this harsh pain.’

‘Thank you. If you want, you can pay your respects at his funeral today.’

Connie nodded, and the two sat in silence as Daryl let himself be honest with his feelings. Connie’s presence helped. He knew that Ethan would have liked her. He tried to imagine what it would’ve been like, seeing the two interact, the life and light in Ethan’s eyes, finding someone else like him who had survived. Someone else who couldn’t hear but had persevered despite it.

Daryl wished he hadn’t been so late. He could’ve saved Ethan. He would’ve been able to shoot the fucker. If he did, then maybe Ethan would still be there with him, with them all. But then he’d have to go through with dealing with Enid and Alden, confronting them and what they did. Daryl hoped that Ethan wasn’t hurting, wherever he was. It was times like these that Daryl wondered if the afterlife was real, and if it was, that Ethan and everyone else they’d lost along the way were safe and happy.

‘He would’ve liked you,’ he signed to Connie, then rubbed at his reddened eyes. ‘I think you would have inspired him or made him feel confident in his deafness. It’s always been something he hated because he thought it made him vulnerable.’

‘Had he always been deaf?’

Daryl shook his head. ‘He was … hard of hearing. He was attacked, stabbed in both ears. That’s how he lost his hearing. He was losing it anyway, the attack just brought it along quicker than he would’ve liked.’

It was easy to have a conversation with Connie, but with each sign he made, it tore at his heart, memories of learning to sign from Ethan coming to mind, the way he’d smile when he’d correct whatever Daryl had signed to him. Having conversations with Connie wasn’t going to be easy, the constant reminder of Ethan there.

The two sat together for a long while, finding comfort in the other’s presence. Daryl could see the people of Hilltop milling about. They looked to be in a haze; the sudden, unexpected death had shaken everyone to their core. They had a new threat, and they had managed to take Ethan from them. Daryl could see Jesus and Aaron sitting together, talking quietly. He felt a little guilty, seeing the way Aaron was hunched up in on himself, still reeling from losing someone else he was close to, and Daryl wasn’t over there, offering the silent comfort he knew how to give.

Daryl lost track of time, but he was brought back to reality when Enid approached him. He noted the way she was wearing a hoodie that used to be Ethan’s. Daryl had found it on a run a few years ago that Ethan had joined him on. It had been a little cold, and Daryl had lucked out finding it. He’d given it to Ethan, who had worn it throughout the whole winter. He didn’t say anything, just eyed the hoodie, knowing it had to have Ethan’s scent woven in it. She missed him. All the rage he felt towards her dwindled into nothing.

As much as Enid may have betrayed Ethan, she had been his wife. They had been together for over five years.

“Uh. They’re … they’re going to start the funeral now,” she said, fingers moving over the signs a little sluggishly. She wiped at her face, looking sick to her stomach. “I thought you should know.”

Daryl nodded, and she turned and walked away, arms wrapped around herself and her head hung low. Sighing to himself, Daryl got to his feet. He looked to Connie, asking if she was going to join. She nodded, offering a sad smile, before the two of them went to the small crowd.

Paul was there, a small book in his hand. He was speaking evenly, voice carrying through the crowd. Daryl figured he was giving a sermon of sorts; he barely paid attention, looking at the closed coffin. It didn’t even feel real. Daryl wished he could wake up from this nightmare, and find himself back in the woods, with Carol and Henry coming to visit him. He’d go to Hilltop, stop Ethan from going out, and would take out the walkers and the skin freaks that had hidden among them.

Aaron was the first one to put a nail in the coffin. Daryl could see the way his hand shook, the way his shoulders rocked as he tried to quieten his sobs. They had missed out on the later years of Ethan’s life, living away from Hilltop, barely visiting. It felt like they had missed out on so much. He passed the hammer over to Alden, who gave it to Marco. Both young men had been gasping their breaths, runny noses, and tears in their eyes.

Jesus took his turn, looking less than composed as he hammered the nail in. Enid was next, taking the hammer with shaking hands. It took her a long moment before she could pick up the nail. No-one said anything as she took her time, building up the courage to do something so monumental as saying goodbye. Once it was done, she held the hammer out to Daryl. He took it with a heavy heart, thinking of all the things he could have done that would’ve meant Ethan would be alive.

He hammered in the nail as he made his silent goodbye to the young man. He held out the hammer to the next person, and it was taken from him. He stood back in with the crowd and found Enid by his side. He put an arm around her and pulled her into his side. Daryl knew that Ethan would’ve still loved her, despite the affair, despite breaking his trust so much. He let Enid cling to him, sobbing into his chest so hard it reverberated in his bones. It was hard to stop his own sobs as he listened to Enid’s.

Ethan was gone, and they didn’t know how to live with that.

**Author's Note:**

> So I'd roughly written this ending out after watching the episode (Evolution) when it first aired, and had a rougher idea of how I'd flesh it out. Originally it ended at Ethan's death, but I wanted to be even more angsty when I wrote this AU so brought Daryl up to the light as my protagonist going through the motion of losing Ethan. The episode aired showing Enid/Alden and I'd probably written Enid and Ethan together maybe a few weeks before the episode, and all the possibilities were in my mind as I watched the ep for the first time. Obviously I never made this canon, but it always bothered me that I hadn't written it out. So here it is.
> 
> I'm tempted to add on an additional chapter, featuring Enid and what she's going through during this and afterwards.
> 
> And whilst I'm here - please check out BLB, the other one shots for BLB and my new Walking Dead fic called Silence! It means a lot when people comment and kudos on my works and do make writing even more enjoyable than what it already is.


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